To those who refuse to age...an urgent message: Please read Ronald Rolheiser's The Holy Longing!

1/10/2015

I was constructing a post inviting my readers to "keep watch" with Christ during first Friday Holy Hour when this email came in from a friend who is in her early sixties and who is struggling with the passing of time and it's effects on her physical beauty:

             "I was good. Now I am crashing and suicidal. Ugh.
            I miss you too. Really a lot. I hate being old."

I have suspended the usual programming to bring you this message.
I have written the following letter to a mutual friend about the plight of our other "aging "friend: I hope there is some value in it for all who read along.

      My Dear Friend: If you study the conversations we have
      had about living "uncoupled" and tease out the sentiment
      behind them...you don't sound much different then Tess
      when she proceeds to intonate these familiar words:
      I hate being old. Honestly, by your constantly revisiting the
      reputation of the younger version of yourself, the woman
      you once were...you are saying the same thing.

      In Ronald Rolheiser's book The Holy Longing, he speaks
      directly to this problem. I want you to read this book.
There is chapter that addresses relationships:
How they change and how they are sometimes lost
      in the process of evolving. Rolheiser reminds us of the
      antidote that Christ came to dispense.

   Remember, we possess an innumerable amount of relationships:
     Tangible and intangible, with living things and with objects.
     We are often consumed by these relationships. We think about them
     often, they effect our lives greatly. But rarely do we reflect on
     the one we have with self.

     The aging process is analogous to the vitally important lesson
     Jesus offers in and through the Paschal Mystery. Rolheiser
     reminds us "that there is a time for everything and a season for
     every activity under heaven".   Ecclesiastes 3:1

      I wont try explain what Rolheiser has to teach us. I would
      ask that you read The Holy Longing because I couldn't do
      Rolheiser's understanding and sense of spirituality justice.

      I love this book! I found the answers I was searching
      for in Rolheiser's writings. Get yourself a copy.

11 Comments

sharon ruetenik

1/10/2015 11:20:48 pm

Over lunch yesterday a friend and I discussed the issue of aging. Her husband, a handsome and enormously successful man, bemoaned the approach of his 73rd birthday. My friend offered no sympathy. I agree. Life, thank God, is not a perpetual state of adolescence. We embrace different phrases and roles because it allows us to experience different types of enrichment and fulfillment. Consider the minor example of reading. Our understanding of any work of fiction will change greatly as we reread it at a later stage in our lives. I work with young adults and find their energy and perspective on reality interesting but lacking. I prefer the company of the over 50 crowd in most cases. And this is not simply a tribal mentality. Excuse the generality but older people just have more to say and are less self referential.
What has made aging a subject of ridicule in our culture is the desperate need (through cosmetic surgery, clinging to an idealized past, imitating the dress of 18 year olds) to be forever young.

Stephanie Zito

1/11/2015 09:19:28 am

Comment deleted

evelyn link

1/11/2015 12:07:09 pm

Stephanie: I thank you for sharing your insights. Perhaps I was unclear. My post is about aging, something that our present culture has great difficulty with. The post was not intended to address a "suicidal friend", but more the cause of the general discontent felt around getting old. (There was never a suicidal friend...just a dramaric one. I hope I did not seem flippant. I was serious about how necessary it is to turn toward God for answers during difficult times. When you have tried everything...and nothing works...realize it's time to try God. Again...read The Holy Longing

I appreciate your heart flet compassion Stephanie

1/11/2015 01:03:31 pm

Thank you addressing better than I had.

jackie white

1/12/2015 04:15:22 am

Evelyn,

Just finished reading THE HOLY LONGING by Ronald Rolheiser. It was recommended by my director, Fr. Michael. He especially suggested Chapter 7... A Spirituality of the Paschal Mystery. I plan on rereading that chapter because of its depth.

Another book by the same author was given to me by Pat Dengler of your parish. SACRED FIRE is definitely a good one to read following THE HOLY LONGING. Pat has a very nice way of evangelizing, a soft touch. I believe that is the way the Spirit moves us...in the whispers.

Stephanie Zito

1/12/2015 05:20:55 am

Relationships most definitely "change" as we grow spiritually. When we have a "mature" understanding of God's Will and live our lives according to His Word, we change.

When we are "born again" in the "Spirit" we "change". What happens to those who grow deeper in understanding of God's Word is they are able to discern who within their relationships they are "equally yoked" with. The Bible speaks about what it means to be "equally yoked" We eventually grow out of some of our relationships when we realize that the most important relationship that we need is a "personal relationship" with "Jesus Christ". We are equally yoked with those who are "born again" in the "spirit".

"I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to Spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You must be born again.' The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:5-8. The words of Jesus Christ in the Holy Bible..

Many times there are Catholic's who do not want to make time to study the Bible. These kinds of Catholics choose to rely on the writings of other Catholic authors to teach them, when in fact God's word is the ultimate source for the truth.

Books by other Catholic and Christian authors are usually based on a "Biblical understand" of the Word of God. How unfortunate for all those who refuse to study the Word of God to enrich themselves and to grow spiritually from. Supplemental reading is best for those who already are "grounded" in the Word of God.

I am a State Licensed teacher and throughout the years I have taught so many students from a wide variety of age groups as well as cultures. What I have always done was to let my students see through my words and actions, reflect God's love and God's Word. I am thankful for my Masters Degree from Columbia University in NYC where I took extensive courses on Psychology and Sociology. I came to realize after extensive years of ministering to a wide variety of people of all ages that they need to study the Word of God.

One must be "born again" in the Spirit. When we are in relationships with others who do not rely on the Word of God and who are not "born again" in the Spirit, and we are "born again" in the Spirit, we are no "equally yoked". This means that our relationships change after we become "born again" in the Spirit. " Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"2 Cor. 6:14

Stephanie Zito

1/13/2015 05:56:36 am

Evelyn you put in the title of this blog To those who refuse to age...., read the book Holy Longing. I do not refuse to age. therefore I am not interested in reading the book. I simply responded to this blog because you told me I am being unkind after I told you that I do not want to write any more comments. I have stated in this blog all that I intend to say about dealing with the "aging" process. I have been studying my own books from my very extensive Catholic Book library including God's Word on a daily basis.

My Spiritual Director in Albany is one of the senior Priests for the Albany Diocese who knows the Spiritual reading that I have been doing including the Bible. Many years ago I brought a suitcase of the many books including Divine Intimacy and Bibles to show him what I have been reading, and he saw what I read and he encouraged me to continue doing so. which I still am doing. Prior to this spiritual director I had 2 other Priests as my spiritual director before they left the area and they also know the books that I read including the Bible and also encouraged me to continue with them. I have learned a lot from a huge variety of Priests and speakers on EWTN as well. I have also learned a lot from a Priest who provides Bible Studies and Discussion Groups

As I said in previous message, the best way anyone can deal with the aging process is to make effort to grow spiritually. It takes much devotion to the Word of God and prayer for one to reach spiritual maturity. The aging process should be a joyful experience when one recognizes that growing old should be about "growing stronger in God's Word and becoming Spiritual mature" adults. Frequently ones physical age is beyond their spiritual maturity. When one finds they are focused on their physical age factor, they need to be redirected to seeking for a deep personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
.
Because you gave reference to the email from the person who has problem with aging and mentioned suicide, all that I have written here is of help to a person who feels the same way as the person who sent you that email. Plus my comments will help others who are simply battling with the fact they are getting older.

I have learned from a variety of people who struggle with the aging process that they fear death, and or physical illness. It is most important for not just the aging but for all ages to focus on God's Word and to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ according to the scripture. Jesus said: "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You must be born again'." John 3:5-7

"For God so loved the world that he gave that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

With having a relationship with Jesus Christ one has nothing to fear except for fear itself. I encourage anyone of any age that it is necessary to be "born in the spirit" and to rest in Jesus Christ. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" The words of Christ Jesus from Matt:11:28- 30.

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

No matter how old a person is they must thirst for the Truth from God. Those who are not with Jesus Christ will suffer spiritual death. "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." John 7: 37-38

We will always find the answers and hope in the Word of God. No matter how old we are, we must be like little children seeking the face if Jesus and the Kingdom of Heaven. When we are born again in the Spirit we put on the "new man". We are all "children of God and our focus needs to be on Jesus Christ.

"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcome a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." The words of Jesus Christ Matt:18: 3-6

Ellen Moran

1/14/2015 04:26:41 am

I prefer using the tool of humor.It's indispensable in regard to the occasional "shock"of my reflection.I've noticed as my body ages it directly correlates to my "funny bone" or lack thereof.When I have aches or pain or dis-ease issues I can become completely "self absorbed"and seriously cranky.I sooner or later remember to get out of "myself" and climb out of my "pity pot"and try to find the humor,joy,humility,and gratitude,for the Lord giving me life and loving me, even though,I can be the biggest "crybaby".I sometimes ask the Lord,can I get my "face fixed"?Then he asks me, but didn't you want to help what's her name with her thing?I'll say yes Lord,I did and I will but I would like to have a disposable "enough"income to fix my face...I argue...He tells me..I don't look so bad and it's what's inside me that lives "eternal".I cheer up...I have told the Lord..presumptuous little spoiled brat.. that I am...if I ever get "mammon" enough...well...you know.The Lord said be careful what you "pray for" Ellen,He's not kidding.Have you seen some of those "plastic surgery fails". Holy ...White Chimney Smoke ! I also go through my "gratitude list",things that I'm grateful for,forgetting to be grateful happens to all ages. No,no,there is no easy sainthood...looming on my horizon but there's "progress".It is a gift not to take oneself too seriously! I have to work on it daily.

evelyn link

1/14/2015 05:59:21 am

These are some great tips! Thanks

Dennis

2/1/2015 01:35:51 am

How long, Lord? Will thou forget me forever? How long will thou hide thy face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, Lord my God; lighten my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him"; lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. But I have trusted in thy steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountiful with me. Psalm 13

evelyn link

2/1/2015 02:26:13 am

Dennis: Your offered psalm came just when I needed it most. Thank you. Good to have you here!

LET IT aLL sTART hERE
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