Praying Through The Panic

7/17/2015

Before my alarm clock pours the sound of a trickling forest stream into my bedroom; before I have kicked back the bed sheets and dropped my feet to the floor; before I have read any texts or emails or checked
any phone messages or have spoken to another soul… dread often makes a guest appearance.

This is what the panic feels like:   It is as if I have casually stepped off a curb,and suddenly looked up from my reverie just as speeding car is bearing down on me! Does this sound familiar? And, at such times, it is only by the grace of God we have survived. The feelings stay with us. The adrenaline rush is breath-taking and, too
often, crippling. How can I experience this feeling first thing in the morning without ever having left the assumed safety of my bed? What summons this panic that can paralyze? And what can be done to assuage the panic?

I have tried “self-medicating”: using people, work and exercise a panacea. Also, I have sought out therapeutic methods of psychoanalysis and prescriptive medication. Today, following such attempts for relief-- which failed or ran their course--I chose to pray.

I have several lines from scripture that I repeat as a mantra while praying: “Be Not Afraid” is one of them.

God instructs us seven times in the Bible to “be not afraid”; 43 times to “fear not” and eight times to “have no fear". I finally got the message: Christ wants me to give my fear to Him so He might relieve me of it. I think He puts it inside His most Sacred Heart where His Love extinguishes the "smoldering worm".

My prayer begins with those three words: “Be not afraid”, then stream lines into “I seek the mercy of God”, only to end with some of the most important words that Jesus gives us:

                     “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. “

                                                                     John 14: 27

I think about what I want and what I want is only Jesus’ particular kind of peace. For me, any other is as meaningless as milk toast.    “My peace I give to you….”   "My" ...is essential here for the peace that belongs to Jesus, His serenity, His sense of tranquility, His calm is restorative and He offers it freely and abundantly to us.

As I pray these words, I think of what His peace feels like, how it looks, how it sounds. I see Him as a vessel containing the only peace that can heal me and, suddenly, the dread vanishes, and I experience no more panic.
                “ Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not
                your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
                                                                        John 14:27

I listen for the words of Jesus as I pray; I hear them...and I am made better.

18 Comments

Chrissy B

7/17/2015 01:38:20 pm

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust without a fear. What can flesh do to me?” (Psalm 56:3-4)

Dennis

7/17/2015 09:43:40 pm

Wow Evelyn, you bring me to tears! My mother taught me to pray as a boy. I was afraid and prayer comforted me. Jesus became my close friend, my savior.

jackie white

7/18/2015 02:18:38 am

I recently did something I am not proud of. The person who was the recipient is a very important person in my life. He is a very private person and I did not respect that. I managed to get what I wanted by being underhanded in my approach. Somehow he found out what I did and was very upset with me. So I brought this tendency of mine to lack respect for that person to a healing service and begged the Lord to take away this tendency that I have and for me to let it go. My prayers were answered that day. I let it go and as I did that, His peace returned to me and has been there ever since. Try it ...it works.

Dennis

7/18/2015 02:48:28 am

Jackie, your confession inspires me......here is one of my own....I don't pray anymore.

jackie white

7/18/2015 03:52:02 am

Dennis,
Dennis,
That makes me very sad. You seem to have the right answers to help other people. You are constantly coming up with help for others. Where are you fueling????I call that talking to God. What do you call it?

Evelyn Augusto link

7/18/2015 04:05:11 am

Perhaps we can call what you do "worship" Dennis. Perhaps you: witness, celebrate, converse,dream, engage, sing...praise our Lord as uniquely as, you live.

Dennis

7/18/2015 04:35:40 am

I pray all during church by staying present to the mass....through out the day I might think about Christ and ask for mercy, but I have no devoted time to prayer. I tell you all this because I wouldn't want anyone to feel deceived by me.

jackie white

7/18/2015 05:38:24 am

Dennis, my friend,

I call all of that praying. If we are looking for God, HE finds us. You are looking and HE is there for you. Maybe your day is such that you can't set aside a lump sum of time. He loves that you celebrate the liturgy and that you speak to HIM during the day. I call all of that very good praying.

Fr. Michael

7/19/2015 11:27:19 pm

Really, really great on two levels: the writing itself and the real revelation of self ... a courageous offer of vulnerability for the great good of helping others in their suffering.

Thank you so much for sharing this blog Evelyn.

jackie White

7/21/2015 02:22:55 am

Evelyn,

I have not had anything like you have had in my life.

I will use your helpful blog as an encouragement to tell this story.

Many, many years ago when I was in the convent and under perpetual vows, I did have panic attacks because I was going through much unhappiness in what was what I thought my vocation. I stopped eating, could not sleep and was very depressed.Spent most of my time in the bedroom and did not want to socialize. This went on for months until someone asked me if I wanted to make a Cursillo. I said it could not hurt since I was so down and depressed. I was doing more whining than praying at that time. During that retreat I spoke to different people in all walks of life and by what I was telling them they felt that God could not possibly want this for me. I went in the convent for all the wrong reasons. My father was an alcoholic and causing pain and suffering to my mom. I thought if I gave my life to God in a convent and prayed for my dad's conversion , he would change and mom would be happy. Years went by and nothing happened on the home front. When I started thinking the way I mentioned above, I dealt with it. The Mother Superior came for a visit where I was living.She asked why I was isolating myself from the community so I told her. She told me it would pass. It did not. I went to see a Franciscan Friar and he told me to leave immediately. I started to feel better a little at a time and he advised me to write to the Pope for a dispensation of my vows so as to be able to live my life as a Catholic. The community was a papal community and that is the reason for a papal dispensation. So, by then I was praying and thanking God for that priest who helped me take that action. I started to eat, sleep and little by little move in to the community room and talk to the other nuns who were not causing my problem.
Within a few months, I left the place where most people found peace, HIS peace. I did not. The rest of the story is for another blog. I will skip many years just to tell you that my life is a life of prayer and I experience HIS peace on a daily basis.

John Thorburn

7/21/2015 06:31:38 am

No wonder Jesus was brave.

Evelyn Augusto link

7/21/2015 11:28:05 am

Loved reading your story Jackie. Fascinating. Thank you

Dennis

7/22/2015 03:26:09 am

Jackie, how did you get back to prayer?

jackie White

7/22/2015 05:21:06 am

Dennis,

I never really stopped praying. I guess the quality of my prayer changed. It was no longer a bunch of meaningless words, but I connected to God on a different level, the level of the heart.

God is everywhere and you can connect throughout the day. Lift your mind and heart as often as you like. We find Him in everyone we meet as well as in His creation.

My special time with the Lord daily is basically being with Him in a sacred place which can be in my recliner or in front of the Blessed Sacrament which is my favorite date place with my best friend.
The invitation is always there. When I give a YES answer to that it really does not matter where I am. He invites us to come away with Him and spend time with Him.

You confessed that you don't pray. Evelyn and I feel that you do pray and we responded to that in our reply to you. Since prayer is communication with the Lord, it is as individual as we are.

Prayer is not a feeling though sometimes you will have consolations in prayer. God's grace is always there you just need to grab onto it.

My thoughts are that if you just take some alone time away and ask the Lord to teach you how to pray. You will know that you are back on target with Him the way you used to be. You will wake up from sleep and God will be #1 in your life. When that happens you will want nothing else and will want to spend as much time in prayer as your busy schedule allows.

Let me know what happens. My goal in life is seeking union with Him. And with His grace I will do everything I need to do to get there in other words to be the saint that I was created to be. There will be mistakes made as I have made many, but I turn to God's merciful heart and just pick myself up and begin again.

There is a void in each one of us that only God can fill. When we transition to our eternal life, hopefully there will not be that empty space because He will fill it.

So, Dennis I will pray for you. I will ask God to help you get back on target. Evelyn's blog has helped you and you keep coming back, so you are being drawn and that can be your answer. She has been opening the door for you and you have been entering little by little. We need you, also.

Dennis

7/28/2015 11:49:50 pm

To the group: Do any of you fear what Christ asks of you?

jackie white

7/30/2015 07:59:21 am

Dennis, I prayed about answering you. And in two different readings today I had the same answer. I think this is what I am supposed to reply .It is from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

"Therefore, to keep me from being too elated, a thorn was given to me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me,"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." So , I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults,hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong."

I guess He wants us to believe that His grace is always there for the asking. If He asks you will have what you need....Just say yes.

Evelyn Augusto link

7/29/2015 01:08:50 am

Honestly...I use to more than I do now. Especially the request that we put Him first. Most specifically...and I'm trying to be helpful here...the chastened way of life we as disciples of Christ are asked to adhere to. BUT I have place my trust in Him and I have been okay much of the time.

Dennis

7/30/2015 10:52:53 pm

Jackie, you said of me , "you are constantly coming up with help for others". That is it right there! God gave me a gift of ears that hear and eyes that see. I've nurtured it and educated it all through my life. But I have turned away and don't want to go back.

LET IT aLL sTART hERE
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