LET IT aLL sTART hERE
For Catholics who care...
Before my alarm clock pours the sound of a trickling forest stream into my bedroom; before I have kicked back the bed sheets and dropped my feet to the floor; before I have read any texts or emails or checked
any phone messages or have spoken to another soul… dread often makes a guest appearance. This is what the panic feels like: It is as if I have casually stepped off a curb,and suddenly looked up from my reverie just as speeding car is bearing down on me! Does this sound familiar? And, at such times, it is only by the grace of God we have survived. The feelings stay with us. The adrenaline rush is breath-taking and, too often, crippling. How can I experience this feeling first thing in the morning without ever having left the assumed safety of my bed? What summons this panic that can paralyze? And what can be done to assuage the panic? I have tried “self-medicating”: using people, work and exercise a panacea. Also, I have sought out therapeutic methods of psychoanalysis and prescriptive medication. Today, following such attempts for relief-- which failed or ran their course--I chose to pray. I have several lines from scripture that I repeat as a mantra while praying: “Be Not Afraid” is one of them. God instructs us seven times in the Bible to “be not afraid”; 43 times to “fear not” and eight times to “have no fear". I finally got the message: Christ wants me to give my fear to Him so He might relieve me of it. I think He puts it inside His most Sacred Heart where His Love extinguishes the "smoldering worm". My prayer begins with those three words: “Be not afraid”, then stream lines into “I seek the mercy of God”, only to end with some of the most important words that Jesus gives us: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. “ John 14: 27 I think about what I want and what I want is only Jesus’ particular kind of peace. For me, any other is as meaningless as milk toast. “My peace I give to you….” "My" ...is essential here for the peace that belongs to Jesus, His serenity, His sense of tranquility, His calm is restorative and He offers it freely and abundantly to us. As I pray these words, I think of what His peace feels like, how it looks, how it sounds. I see Him as a vessel containing the only peace that can heal me and, suddenly, the dread vanishes, and I experience no more panic. “ Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27 I listen for the words of Jesus as I pray; I hear them...and I am made better.
18 Comments
Chrissy B
7/17/2015 01:38:20 pm
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust without a fear. What can flesh do to me?” (Psalm 56:3-4)
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Dennis
7/17/2015 09:43:40 pm
Wow Evelyn, you bring me to tears! My mother taught me to pray as a boy. I was afraid and prayer comforted me. Jesus became my close friend, my savior.
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jackie white
7/18/2015 02:18:38 am
I recently did something I am not proud of. The person who was the recipient is a very important person in my life. He is a very private person and I did not respect that. I managed to get what I wanted by being underhanded in my approach. Somehow he found out what I did and was very upset with me. So I brought this tendency of mine to lack respect for that person to a healing service and begged the Lord to take away this tendency that I have and for me to let it go. My prayers were answered that day. I let it go and as I did that, His peace returned to me and has been there ever since. Try it ...it works.
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Dennis
7/18/2015 02:48:28 am
Jackie, your confession inspires me......here is one of my own....I don't pray anymore.
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jackie white
7/18/2015 03:52:02 am
Dennis,
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7/18/2015 04:05:11 am
Perhaps we can call what you do "worship" Dennis. Perhaps you: witness, celebrate, converse,dream, engage, sing...praise our Lord as uniquely as, you live.
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Dennis
7/18/2015 04:35:40 am
I pray all during church by staying present to the mass....through out the day I might think about Christ and ask for mercy, but I have no devoted time to prayer. I tell you all this because I wouldn't want anyone to feel deceived by me.
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jackie white
7/18/2015 05:38:24 am
Dennis, my friend,
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Fr. Michael
7/19/2015 11:27:19 pm
Really, really great on two levels: the writing itself and the real revelation of self ... a courageous offer of vulnerability for the great good of helping others in their suffering.
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jackie White
7/21/2015 02:22:55 am
Evelyn,
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John Thorburn
7/21/2015 06:31:38 am
No wonder Jesus was brave.
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7/21/2015 11:28:05 am
Loved reading your story Jackie. Fascinating. Thank you
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Dennis
7/22/2015 03:26:09 am
Jackie, how did you get back to prayer?
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jackie White
7/22/2015 05:21:06 am
Dennis,
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Dennis
7/28/2015 11:49:50 pm
To the group: Do any of you fear what Christ asks of you?
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jackie white
7/30/2015 07:59:21 am
Dennis, I prayed about answering you. And in two different readings today I had the same answer. I think this is what I am supposed to reply .It is from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
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7/29/2015 01:08:50 am
Honestly...I use to more than I do now. Especially the request that we put Him first. Most specifically...and I'm trying to be helpful here...the chastened way of life we as disciples of Christ are asked to adhere to. BUT I have place my trust in Him and I have been okay much of the time.
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Dennis
7/30/2015 10:52:53 pm
Jackie, you said of me , "you are constantly coming up with help for others". That is it right there! God gave me a gift of ears that hear and eyes that see. I've nurtured it and educated it all through my life. But I have turned away and don't want to go back.
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